i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
