There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
