no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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