I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
