i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
