I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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