if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
