You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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