somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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