Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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