I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
