I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
