Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it glows. i had to have it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
