So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
