you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
