My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
