the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
