I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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