My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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