yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
