My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
