Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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