I got chris browned last night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
