I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
