my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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