If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When are your genitals available?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
