So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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