I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
