I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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