You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
