ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
