Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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