Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
