im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
