If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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