I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
