Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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