u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
