Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
