No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
