There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
