It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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