Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
