I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
