Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You've changed since you got that strap on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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