I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
