GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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