Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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