I accidentally had phone sex last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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