my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
