I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
