wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
