You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
