Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
