we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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