screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
