I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
