Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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