you're like a bully in the Christmas story
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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