dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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