It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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